A plan is coming together...

It's been nearly a week since my appointment with the fertility specialist and I should have updated this sooner, but time has run away with me. Busy at work. Busy at the weekend.

Overall the appointment was a rather an anti-climax. It was all rather straight forward and uneventful. Dr L was very pleasant and positive about my chances but very much focussed on the medical facts and not at all interested in what had made me decide to do this or what the emotions involved were. She's doing what I need her do - focussing on what chance I have of getting pregnant.

She said I had a good chance of conceiving with intrauterine insemination (IUI) and that is how she'd suggest beginning, however it could take several goes for it to work. She said some women get impatient once one IUI doesn't work and then want to go straight to IVF which at my age has a 40% chance of working, but I want to avoid the invasiveness of IVF if I can. It seems wrong to do that when I don't have any fertility problems. My age is not an issue as yet it seems, though she said I'm on the cusp of it becoming so. I wonder how they tell when you've crossed that crucial tipping point? It could make all the difference.

There was no sign of dildo-cam. She took a pap smear, but other than that there were no tests - she didn't even do an internal examination. She's given me referrals for blood tests and ultrasounds which I have at various stages of my cycle - first set of blood tests between day two and five, ultrasounds between day five and 10, and then another blood test on day 21 - to get an idea of what my hormones are doing, my ovarian reserve and to ensure my fallopian tubes are not blocked. In order to save me some money Dr L suggested I wait until January to have them done so that they contribute to the Medicare Safety Net, and although I'd love to just rush on it makes sense to wait. If I can find a way to save myself some money then I should as this whole exercise is going to cost a FORTUNE.

So I now have a plan. As soon as I get my period in January (around the 22nd I think) I'll start having the tests, and then all being well I'll start trying to conceive during the cycle that starts in February. That all depends on the clinic resolving the issues around imported sperm and the new NSW laws that come into effect on 1 January 2010. Dr L still wasn't sure what the changes are going to mean for her clinic so I'll keep and eye on their website and/or give them a call in a few weeks time.

However it feels good to know I have plan and something definite to aim at. Roll on January.

Stalling tactics

I've joined an online group for 'single mothers by choice'. I put the question I was considering in my last post to them and the reaction was immediate and unanimous - don't waste your time, that at my age time isn't on my side and that I should just get on with trying to have a baby on my own.

Apparently by your late thirties only one in four of your eggs are viable.

My god I really have been kidding myself haven't I? It's just so hard to grasp the reality of declining fertility if you haven't yet had to face up to it. And I would like to have more than one child though how on earth I'd afford to I don't know - I'm not how I'm even going to afford to attempt the first one.

A couple of the women on the site seem to have chosen to be single mums first and foremost whereas I really really would rather not be. I don't feel like I would be choosing to be a single mum I feel like it's being forced one me because it's the only way for me to become a mum at all. I want what most of my friends have - a man who loves me and wants to have kids with me - not that that always works out perfectly. However I guess to a degree I'm still sticking my head in the sand looking for ways to hang on to that dream.

My other problem is money. I have no savings (I've just spent most of it on new furniture etc as I've only just settled permanently in Australia), and I'm just about to take out a loan from my work to pay for my permanent residency application. So the time I need is also the time to save some money or maybe sell my flat in London so that I have some capital behind me to pay for treatment and to help support me once I do have a child - if I am lucky enough to have one.

I think I'll be making an appointment with my doctor very soon. I can set the wheels in motion and see how things go...