Getting there - one needle at a time

My evening shoot 'em up ritual

The full on injecting stage has begun. Two injections each evening - one in either side of my tummy. I now have a nice collection of bruises. I hadn't noticed this until Tuesday when I started injecting drug no 2 - Gonal-F. A couple of five cent piece size bruises. Nice.

At around 9.30pm each night I get out a couple of swabs, the syringe for the Lucrin and the sharps container. Out of the fridge comes the vial of Lucrin and the Gonal-F pen. I line it all up on the kitchen work surface - dial-up 300iu on the Gonal-F pen, draw-up 10units (which I think is 1ml) of Lucrin into the syringe and I'm ready to go. It's a slightly surreal evening ritual, which I actually look forward to. Is that odd? Maybe, maybe not.

On Saturday night I babysat for my friend's little boy who is just four precious months old. While they got ready for their much looked forward to night out I stood in the dark cradling their tiny son while he fell asleep. I rocked him and sang to him and marvelled at his total trust that he was safe and looked after. He let out big sighs as his body relaxed and sucked on his dummy - I was entranced. I knew in that moment that my life is finally on the right path. This time next year I could be cradling my own child. With every injection I give myself I feel that that moment is drawing closer - needle by needle.

All aboard the IVF roller coaster

Strap yourself in!

I've been a very bad blogger. Slapped wrists for me. With that self-flagellation out of the way I will endeavour to fill in the gaps.

So my IUI treatment ended in a Big Fat Negative (BFN). No surprises there. It would have been nice to be hit with the beginner's luck stick, but it wasn't to be. It was worth a try though. I wanted to give my body a chance to get pregnant within minimal interference from the medical world, but with that 'introduction' to assisted reproductive technology under my belt I swiftly realised I was ready to bring out the big guns. IVF - and all her reinforcements.

My FS agreed with my reasoning. That I didn't have time to waste and IVF has a higher success rate. That financially it made sense - I knew that if I followed the recommendation of another two IUIs before moving to IVF that it would be next year before my credit cards recovered sufficiently to cope with the battering IVF would give them. IVF means they can select the best eggs rather than just hoping that a good one to comes alone. IVF means they can fertilise several eggs thereby making better use of the expensive vial of super-sperm.

So I am now four days into a regime of injecting myself with IVF drugs. The drug I am currently jabbing myself with on a nightly basis, Lucrin, will send my body into a kind of temporary menopause so that when my next cycle starts the follicle stimulating hormone drug I'll also start injecting will take over my system. Hopefully this will result in the growth of plenty of big fat follicles containing healthy, mature eggs - one of which will become my baby. Continuing to take the Lucrin as well ensures I don't spontaneously ovulate and lose all those ripe eggs.

My ideal scenario is that enough of my eggs fertilise to give me a few embryos to freeze for the future. Storing frozen embryos, not egg-freezing which is far from perfected, is the best way to preserve your fertility once you get to my age. If I'm lucky enough to get pregnant this time around and then decide I want to have another child in the future I'll be able to attempt it with embryos created with 38 year old eggs rather than 40-41 year old eggs. Bonus. Plus frozen embryo transfers are a fraction of the price of IVF.

I'm going to weekly acupuncture sessions, taking vitamins and Omega 3 capsules, meditating every day, exercising regularly, forgoing alcohol and caffeine, going to bed early and trying to eat healthily. I'm focussed and positive. Let's hope the drugs don't send my hormones too damn crazy.

I promise to you keep this blog updated with my progress. Slow and steady as it is...