Stalling tactics

I've joined an online group for 'single mothers by choice'. I put the question I was considering in my last post to them and the reaction was immediate and unanimous - don't waste your time, that at my age time isn't on my side and that I should just get on with trying to have a baby on my own.

Apparently by your late thirties only one in four of your eggs are viable.

My god I really have been kidding myself haven't I? It's just so hard to grasp the reality of declining fertility if you haven't yet had to face up to it. And I would like to have more than one child though how on earth I'd afford to I don't know - I'm not how I'm even going to afford to attempt the first one.

A couple of the women on the site seem to have chosen to be single mums first and foremost whereas I really really would rather not be. I don't feel like I would be choosing to be a single mum I feel like it's being forced one me because it's the only way for me to become a mum at all. I want what most of my friends have - a man who loves me and wants to have kids with me - not that that always works out perfectly. However I guess to a degree I'm still sticking my head in the sand looking for ways to hang on to that dream.

My other problem is money. I have no savings (I've just spent most of it on new furniture etc as I've only just settled permanently in Australia), and I'm just about to take out a loan from my work to pay for my permanent residency application. So the time I need is also the time to save some money or maybe sell my flat in London so that I have some capital behind me to pay for treatment and to help support me once I do have a child - if I am lucky enough to have one.

I think I'll be making an appointment with my doctor very soon. I can set the wheels in motion and see how things go...

Testing times

I've talked about having a baby on my own to a couple of friends - other single women who I knew probably had had thoughts along these lines themselves. It would seem, so far, that I'm not the only one worried that while I'm waiting for Mr Right my ovaries are slowly shrivelling.

I was talked to a friend a couple of weeks ago about how upset I was to still find myself single at nearly 38 because I really want to have kids and don't know how much longer I can wait for Mr Right to come along. She mentioned that because she's had some gynaecological problems in the past she's going to a clinic for full testing so that she can gage how urgently she needs to consider the baby issue. She's also single, though a few years younger than me. She suggested I do the same if I'm worried about my fertile years running out. Her reasoning was that at least it would either give me some peace of mind that I've got a bit more time or give me the kick up the arse I need to realise that I really can't wait any longer.

She said the clinic she goes to offers this kind of testing for around $250 - and if you're referred by your doctor medicare will refund $80.

I'm wondering if this is something doing, or is just another way to stall making a decision?