Staring down the barrel of infertility...

OK. I'm just about convinced. Before I take any action I want and need to have a couple of conversations with friends, friends who whose support I definitely need if I'm going to do this. I also need to talk to my mum as well. I can't do this without her support. I know if I was in England she'd support me every step of the way and do what she could to help me out with money - but she may not be so keen because I live on the other side of the world now.

And so far as Mr Right is concerned he's not here and probably won't be here in time to have kids with, so I've just got to get on with it. To a certain degree I sabotaged my last relationship because I was so anxious for things to hurry up and get to the marriage/babies stage. Without that ticking clock hanging over me I'll be far more relaxed about relationships and though it may be harder to actually meet someone as a single mum when I do I'll choose more wisely and be able to enjoy it more because I won't put pressure on it like I do now. It would actually be a huge relief to enjoy being with someone without that 'do you want to have kids with me!?!?!' question constantly being the elephant in the room.

I feel like I'm staring down the barrel of my 40th birthday...still being manless and childless then is not something I want to contemplate.