Waking up to reality

I turn 38 in just over a month's time. I am single and childless. I've been looking for the right man for 20 years. I'm tired of dating. I'm tired of being at the mercy of meeting the right man. The time has come to start seriously thinking about my options, so here I am writing this blog. I'm struggling to face the fact that my life has not worked out as I hoped. I keep hoping the right man is going to come along but after many disappointments I've realised that maybe parenthood is a journey I'll have to take on my own if I want to take it at all. But i'm full of doubts and fears - the largest of which is reluctance to admit defeat, not wanting to resign myself to doing this alone. How would I cope both emotionally, physically and financially? I am on the other side of the world from my family so I have to think about where I would live, and how I would support myself.

I'm really hoping that sharing some of my thoughts will help me decide what to do for the best. What I do know is that having children is really important to me, it is what would make me feel that my life has been worthwhile - I don't want to miss out on such a great gift, but am full of trepidation about where this journey might take me.

I'm footloose and fertile - but for how much longer?

Thank you for reading.